It’s a curious feeling this “in limbo” thing. I’ve been making slow but sure progress on the legal documentation of my new surname, but I still flinch every time somebody refers to me politely as “Mrs. Clark”. It’s been more than four months (not including the few months prior to my wedding where I whispered my future name to my atmospheric audience and practiced my future signature on newspaper scraps) and the adjustment has not sunk in. What's odd is, the sound of my maiden name in conversation is equally as bizarre. My name no longer rolls off my tongue without conscious deliberation; when somebody asks who I am, I hesitate.
In my honest opinion (because what other opinion would I offer?), the only deplorable thing about marriage is the name update process. Though by law I can call myself whatever I please, by convention I’m a traditionalist who loves the idea of sharing my sweetheart’s patronymic; in symbolic gesture of my gratitude and respect. The administrative hours spent in line at the county clerk, DMV, immigration, Social Security, bank and HR (not to mention countless internet upgrades)…have, although fleetingly, made me consider the sanity of my choice.
Now that I’m nearing the end of the paperwork, I wonder how long it will take for the change to feel natural. New clothes – a few days; new address – a few weeks; new car - a month; new name – to be determined…
In my honest opinion (because what other opinion would I offer?), the only deplorable thing about marriage is the name update process. Though by law I can call myself whatever I please, by convention I’m a traditionalist who loves the idea of sharing my sweetheart’s patronymic; in symbolic gesture of my gratitude and respect. The administrative hours spent in line at the county clerk, DMV, immigration, Social Security, bank and HR (not to mention countless internet upgrades)…have, although fleetingly, made me consider the sanity of my choice.
Now that I’m nearing the end of the paperwork, I wonder how long it will take for the change to feel natural. New clothes – a few days; new address – a few weeks; new car - a month; new name – to be determined…
8 comments:
Newly discovered your blog (newly started my own) and so related to this first post I read!
Post-college, I decided to ditch the nickname I'd been called my entire life and go by my "real," more grown-up/professional sounding name. The result? A group of people who knew me by one name, another group who knew me by an entirely different name, and me, caught somewhere in the middle. What name do I put on my voicemail? What name do I use in my personal e-mail signature? How should I introduce myself? Even now, I still sometimes pause when I meet someone new, internally debating which name I am to them.
It'll probably go that one day, in the not-so-distant future, your "new" name will roll right off your tongue, without you skipping a beat, and you'll hardly even notice. In the meantime, though, good luck!
This is simple. You (hubby optional) should just change your name to Cookie, since that's what it's been, in some circles, for a long time.
It might also feel strange because your Canadian heritage is secretly offended that you get this whole new name, and yet there is no opportunity to put in an extra 'u' or an accent grave or anything.
Today's Carat Word Modification = patronnoyed: the state of being frustrated while coming to terms with one's change in surname.
Wow. Geez, why can't you be known as all of them at the same time? Your maiden name, your Mrs. Clark name, and whatever nicknames you've acquired? I just think in this day and age no woman should willingly want to subsume her existence (and name) Solely with that of her husbands. Hence the expanding middle names of some 'traditionalist' women who carry on their former surnames as new 'middle names'.
But mostly this is also less confusing in the business world. If they knew you as Jessica (Rabbit), why go to all that bother (and it IS a bother), to change it to just Mrs. Jessica Clark?
It's actually getting to be more rare now, even given those who are traditional enough to go in for it. I always wonder why this can not be done informally as the better solution. To think of yourself as 'Mrs. Clark' and to answer to such when called, but to also be known to colleagues as Jessica (Rabbit) etc. I know couples who go back and forth with this too. Mostly if you're a traditionalist you're going to keep part of your former name, instead of just going for just one, right?
The more the merrier I say! Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'
I'm with wib.
Should have just changed it to the singular "Cookie", and left it at that.
Sorry, now all the possibilities are running through my head.
Can you imagine the business card?
Contact "Cookie"
202-555-.....
We all grow into our names eventually. But that feeling of being in no-man's land is somewhat frightening. You feel as though you are constantly chasing your identity and then ask WHICH ONE? Be patient...
A lot of my friends have kept their maiden names and without hyphens have added their husbands names onto the end.
i.e.
Jamie Flynn
is now
Jamie Flynn Waters
I like it. :) Although Clark is a great last name...
Gotta name that first son "Kent." Just gotta.
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